i'm glad you found me
I'm Brian. Musician, men's group facilitator, and relational coach. I help you live courageously and authentically in your high-stakes relationships. As a former emotionally-avoidant nice-guy, nothing gives me greater joy and satisfaction than helping you break-free from the tired, stale game of hiding yourself to get connection. I draw on my years of experience as a wilderness guide, group facilitator and coach to untie the knots that block you from feeling free and empowered. Through working with me, my clients gain key insight, identify and transform limiting patterns and old stories, and practice the tools that create trust, self-respect and personal presence.
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behind the business
"You have everything but one thing; madness. A man needs a little madness or else he never dares cut the rope and be free" - nikos Kazantzakis
Coaching Philosophy
You have the inner resources to heal yourself and the courage to take new action. The challenges you are facing are happening for you, and we use them to get aligned to create the person you want to become.
We are running off outdated blueprints for how we do relationship. A main component of my work is to help you identify these tired patterns of adolescents, and into your empowered adult self.
I aim to create an atmosphere where you can truly speak your mind, say the things that scare you, and welcome the parts of you that may be in conflict with one another. A place where you can get radically honest with yourself.
we might be a good fit if...
- You’ve been told you’re “emotionally unavailable” and feel frustrated and confused about what that means or how to change it.
- Small disagreements spiral into larger fights, leaving you both feeling disconnected, sad, and stuck in a frustrating cycle.
- You feel empowered in other areas of life—work, friendships—but feel stuck, tongue-tied, or unable to express yourself in a satisfying way in intimate relationships.
- You want a deeply fulfilling relationship but feel blocked by patterns or blind spots you can’t quite identify or overcome.
- You find yourself “walking on eggshells” around your partner, worried anything you say or do might trigger a fight.
- You’re worried you’ll repeat the same patterns in future relationships and want to create something truly amazing this time.
An in depth view on my coaching
keep reading
I’m Brian, former emotionally avoidant, resentful nice guy, and probably a big pain in the ass to be in a relationship with. Just ask my ex-girlfriends (please don’t). I knew how to show up to a job, I knew how to show up for my friends, but when it came to intimate relationships, it felt like I was stuck on square one. I blamed my partner for bringing to the surface emotions I didn’t want to face, avoided conflict at all costs because I had no idea how to handle it, and felt a pervasive sense of shame about who I was, convinced that if my partner saw the real me, they’d run for the hills and I’d be alone again. I lived through a mask of what I thought people wanted from me. I didn’t realize how disempowering, frustrating, and limiting this way of being was. Unbeknownst to me, I was living through a strategy I had learned growing up, which was completely counterproductive to a satisfying adult relationship.
So, not knowing what else to do, I resigned myself to a life of bachelorhood or compromised relationships, believing happiness was for the few who magically knew how to have effortless connection. Of course, that was bullshit. But it felt relieving and mercifully unburdened me from having to do something about it. Finally (and fortunately), after a horrible breakup, where I touched a rage and sadness previously unknown to the contained and laid-back person I believed myself to be, the pain was enough to move me out of ambivalence and apathy. Insert motivational story here, but you get it...
I was finally humbled enough to do something about it. So I did. I listened to podcasts and read countless books. I took a job working in wilderness therapy, working with adolescent and young-adult students in crisis. I spent hundreds of hours under the stars, working with students (and myself) on assertive communication, conflict resolution skills, and getting honest with themselves. I supported families in communication skills and conflict resolution. I attended two 8-day residential Radical Honesty workshops (incredibly confronting for conflict-avoiding me). I spent thousands of dollars on coaching, mentorship, and therapy, gaining insight and feedback on how I show up and where I could continue to grow. Then, I enrolled in an 18-month Relationship Education and Coaching program at the Relationship School in Boulder, CO.
Little by little, I learned to identify what I was feeling. I learned how to have hard conversations. I learned how to set boundaries. I learned how to be in productive conflict and repair ruptures. I learned how to speak my truth, even when it felt terrifying. Most importantly, I developed self-respect, the courage to show up as me, warts and all, and a quiet, unshakeable power within.
And let me tell you, relationships feel so much juicier, more nourishing, and life-giving from this place! Gone was the man who felt timid and uncertain, who felt powerless and resentful. Relationships no longer felt like a threat but something beautiful to be embraced. So with that, let’s explore a bigger story for your life.
An in depth view on my coaching
go back
Personal Power
Communication and Conflict
Relational Psychology
Asking Better Questions
What I'm Unwilling to Feel
Why My Relationships Failed
